A somber but necessary moment by Mrs. C

This week will soon mark an anniversary for me that I wish I didn't have to visit. On September 16, 2009, my Aunt Bonnie, who was like a second mother to me, took her life. I am dreading Thursday and Friday. Even as I write this, a flood of emotions is falling over me that I cannot even describe. September 17, 2009, 2:34am, my phone rang, waking me from deep sleep. On the other side of the call was my mom, crying, "Bonnie's dead." I don't even think I was fully awake. I kept asking her "what?" No one knew the details of how or why. They had just found her. My mom hung up with me and left me to cry in the middle of the night. I sobbed. I couldn't help it. I remember my husband telling me not to cry so loudly; I'd wake the kids. But it poured out of me uncontrollably. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wish I could just call her. I miss her so much it hurts, and sometimes I have nightmares that are so real that I think this was all a dream. September 17, 2009 at 2:34am, a hole was shot through my heart that will never heal.

To you, the reader, my aunt was one of many who lived and is now gone. So to attempt to paint a picture of an amazing woman, I will describe. Bonnie was one of the most amazing people I knew! She was giving, funny, witty, understanding, strong, fun, a mother, a friend. She gave more than she had pretty much all the time, and she never asked for anything in return.
She taught me so much about life and about how to look at things. She often would open my eyes to new perspectives. She was logical, smart, and innovative. She made things work. She ran on "Bonnie" time, which you had to just accept in order to love her. But when she came in, it was like someone turned on a light. She brought life to anything she was part of.

"Why'd she have to go
so young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
without reason, without rhyme
Lovely sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe
she flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
by the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
and she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
'Don't worry about me.'" --Alan Jackson, "Sissy's Song"

Enough said. Pray for me, her family, her friends, and everyone she touched, for this week will be a hard one.